“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” -Matthew 18:21-22

Since we’re imperfect people, we’re bound to have trouble with forgiveness. I’m convinced that relationships are built not on a standard of perfection, but on our ability to ask for forgiveness, and upon our willingness to extend forgiveness. In other words, grace must impact both our friendships and our forgiveness.

If you and I want to have relationships that last for the long haul, then we must be willing to extend forgiveness to others. Here’s another way to say it: In every relationship you have, you will constantly be called on to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the virtue we most enjoy and least employ. There are at least two reasons why we struggle with forgiveness: Forgiveness is not natural. That’s why it’s so hard to do. Forgiveness is not fair. Our sense of justice wants to be vindicated. Of all the people in the Bible, Peter stands out as the most mathematical of the disciples. He was a stickler for detail, always trying to pin down the precise meaning of everything Jesus said. Do you remember when Jesus engineered a miraculous catch of fish? It was Peter who sat down and counted each squirming one to find out that they caught 153. If you were to take your Bible and count the number of times that Peter messed up, you’d discover that he needed forgiveness on at least 7 different occasions.

Being a numbers-guy, one day Peter came up to Jesus and asked him a question in Matthew 18:21, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? I find his question a bit amusing. Here’s Peter, the one who needed personal forgiveness on at least 7 different occasions himself, being concerned with how many times he had to forgive someone else. He was trying to discover a mathematical formula for grace.

When you think about it, we all have some barriers that keep us from giving the gift of forgiveness to others. We have a threshold that we don’t want to cross, a limit we won’t go beyond. I can think of at least three barriers of an unforgiving heart: To be honest, forgiving someone seven times is commendable. Most of us get frustrated if we have to forgive someone twice. Jesus isn’t suggesting that we count the number of times we forgive someone — 298, 299, 300 — only 190 to go! Not at all. Seventy times seven means there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive someone. you don’t keep score when it comes to forgiveness. To forgive is to cancel the debt. When we’ve wronged someone, and they choose to forgive us, they are in essence saying, “I cancel the debt. The slate has been wiped clean. You don’t owe me anything — I release you from ever having to pay me back.”

Three action steps if you’re in need of forgiveness.

1 – Face Your Friend. The first step you need to take if you’re the guilty party is to meet with your friend or foe face-to-face. In Matthew 5:24, Jesus put it this way, “If your brother has something against you… go and be reconciled to your brother.” Is there someone you need to “go” to this week? Anyone you need to call? Do you need to stop over to someone’s house or office?

2 – Own The Wrong. The second step, after you’ve faced your friend, is to own the wrong that has been done. There’s a phrase I use when I play basketball that I think is applicable here. When I lose the ball out of bounds or miss a shot, I often point to myself and say, “My bad.” It’s my way of saying that it’s no one else’s fault. I messed up. Friends, when we mess up in our relationships, Jesus wants us to own the wrong, to say, “My bad.” It’s not enough to just acknowledge a mistake — we need to own it.

3 – Ask For Release. After facing your friend and owning the wrong, the next step is to ask for release. I suggest that you actually say the words, “Please forgive me.” If your friend says something like, “It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it,” you might want to say, “I appreciate that, but I need to have your forgiveness. Do you forgive me?” It’s really important to be released from the debt. 3 Reasons to Forgive Because we’ve received grace and forgiveness.

An unforgiving spirit inflicts torment Forgiveness frees people including ourselves.

C.S. Lewis has said, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”